when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
