shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me Iโm going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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