Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
