At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
