Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Randomize
