So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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