marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
