can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it glows. i had to have it.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
