I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
