remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
