Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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