Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Im part way to drunk.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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