I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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