I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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