He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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