I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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