Can i not drive my cunt home
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
