im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
