Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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