I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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