we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
