How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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