Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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