Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
