We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
