stop calling my apartment porn island.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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