why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize