No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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