I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm at about main and main street
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
