I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
