He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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