I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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