I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
