I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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