I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
