Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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