I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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