We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
