Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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