the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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