Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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