i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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