it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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