I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
