Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
