I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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