we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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