I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
pray to the hookup gods
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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