There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
