no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
