the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
