God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
