Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
