This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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