So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously