Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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