I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I need to stop coming to work sober
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i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
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I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.