Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.