woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i believe in u and ur pee
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
