Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You can't motorboat a personality
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
