She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
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I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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