btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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