But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
