to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
not ubering you a puppy
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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