Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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